While the feeling of love initially includes happiness, joy, and an intense emotional rise, it causes anger, hatred, sadness, and sometimes very intense destruction in the ending process. This feeling surely will subsides after a while.
Despite all the pain and the suffering, love is also instructive in terms of mind. It develops personality and carries it to a higher level of consciousness. Because the deeper one can look at the emotions of another human, the deeper that person can look at his own spiritual world. In short, the person who falls in love is the mirror of that person at the same time. The suffering, sadness and pain may have created an important opportunity for the person to get to know himself/herself.
Rumi has a famous saying about love: “The heart that does not bear love pain belongs to the crazy or to the dead”. So this is a natural process that every person may experience in their life. However, the initial positive and the negative feelings at the end are so deep that even after many years, one remembers everything in detail. It is not possible for the effect of love relationships in the spiritual structure and the brain to end in a short time due to this very intense affect, so these feelings gradually decrease and settle over time.
Initially, This Pain Seems To Never End
The feeling of being unable to endure, which is very intense and deep at the beginning of breakup, decreases as the time passes, however, this does not mean that it will be completely forgotten. After all, this is like a grief reaction. It is like trying to get used to it for someone who has died with crying and grieving.
The pain of love is much more painful than leaving a friend or acquaintance in the social circle. It causes very intense outbreaks in the more primitive parts of the brain, the amygdala and the limbic system. That’s because the loved one can be considered as a derivative of parents or other figures that are usually addressed in childhood. Therefore, breaking up causes the similar despair, loneliness, and abandonment feeling of a three-year-old child left alone on the street.
This pain is sometimes so real that sometimes the mind cannot stand and reflects it on the body. Physical ailments such as headache, back pain, abdominal pain, nausea, bloating, and sexual problems are also added.
What Can Be Done?
The first and the most important way to forget about the pain of love is not to try to forget this pain, because the mind does not forget about the event, but its feeling subsides with time. Forcing the brain with sentences like “I want to get it out of my mind” is often useless. In fact, the energy used to forget causes not to forget but rather to remember it more. This situation causes the love pain to grow and turn into a more painful and unbearable pain.
One of the most important behaviors to be done on this subject is to leave it over time, share it with a friend as you think of it or confess these feelings to yourself. Trying to find other activities or hobbies is often advised because brain usually fails doing multiple tasks and you won’t be able to focus on pain or redundant memories once you get a hold of an exciting hobby or activity. Finding a new one is often useless because for the love issues, same part of the brain is used and you are just forcing your brain to evoke the similar pain. As a result, missing the ex, staying away from him/her, and overvaluing him/her, good memories about him/her begin to come to the mind more. In fact, you have many negative moments as well but brain is playing tricks on you so it is always good idea to let things settle for a while.
Another way to get your ex out of your mind and life is to slowly remove the objects and symbols that remind you. Gifts, E-mails, messages are useless other than reminding the pain. Any object reminding in any way makes the person experience the pain of love again. For this reason, throwing these objects, which have the function of missing your ex, to the trash will be useful in the completion of the mourning process. Regardless of the material or moral value of the object that reminds him, it should be among the goals to get rid of it. It is definitely not recommended to follow it from social media networks such as Facebook and Instagram. Blocking his/her accounts will actually help you because once you do it, you will not have courage to unblock in case of getting busted. Since he/she might checked on you while blocked so he/she might realize you unblocked the accounts.
Despite all these awareness, the pain may still continue in the same way. In this case, it is important to evaluate the parent-child relationship in childhood in more detail. What are the most important basic emotions that you couldn’t get from the parents? The extent of exposure to feelings of belonging, abandonment, loneliness, lovelessness, worthlessness, fear, competition is examined. Remembering the negative childhood memories and reviewing them might be a painful experience and an increasingly soothing experience at the same time. Nevertheless, the idea of getting support from a specialist should be kept in mind in every process.